Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they get drunk and ride with them.
____________________________________________________________________
Friday, March 7, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
funny bumper stickers
How am I driving? Call 1800-KISS-MY-ASS
___________________________________________________________________
I'm not an alcholic Alcoholics go to meetings I am a drunk
___________________________________________________________________
Horn broke watch for finger
___________________________________________________________________
Everyone has the right to be stupid but you abuse the privlige.
___________________________________________________________________
I smile because I have no Idea whats going on.
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
I'm not an alcholic Alcoholics go to meetings I am a drunk
___________________________________________________________________
Horn broke watch for finger
___________________________________________________________________
Everyone has the right to be stupid but you abuse the privlige.
___________________________________________________________________
I smile because I have no Idea whats going on.
___________________________________________________________________
Your mama jokes
Yo mama so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
_____________________________________________________________________
Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
_____________________________________________________________________
Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
_____________________________________________________________________
Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!
_____________________________________________________________________
Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
_____________________________________________________________________
Yo mama so fat she influences the tides.
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
_____________________________________________________________________
Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
_____________________________________________________________________
Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!
_____________________________________________________________________
Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
_____________________________________________________________________
Yo mama so fat she influences the tides.
_____________________________________________________________________
Monday, March 3, 2008
Blonde jokes
how do you confuse a blonde? you tell them to pee in the corner of a ciculer room.
____________________________________________________________________
Sally goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling very sorry at this point suggests to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off and go relax." Sally very calmly states, "No I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. "If you need anything just let me know" says the boss. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically. He rushes over an asks, "What's the matter now? Are you going to be ok?" Sally breaks down in tears. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom died too!!"
____________________________________________________________________
A blonde goes up to a soda machine and she puts her money in. then it spits it back out. then she puts it in. she does this about 20 times before the person behind her says can i go. she says shut the hell up im winning.
____________________________________________________________________
5 blondes and a red head
6 women were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a red head.As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonising few moments no one volunteered.Finally the red head gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.The blondes applauded
_________________________________________________________________
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
__________________________________________________________________
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair died so she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
____________________________________________________________________
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
____________________________________________________________________
Why did the blonde burn her ear? The phone rang while she was ironing!
____________________________________________________________________
Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton? It said "concentrate" on it!
____________________________________________________________________
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday? Tell her a joke on a Monday!
____________________________________________________________________
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant!
____________________________________________________________________
What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but never see any!
____________________________________________________________________
Did you hear about the blonde who was a really good cook? She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece!
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
Sally goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling very sorry at this point suggests to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off and go relax." Sally very calmly states, "No I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. "If you need anything just let me know" says the boss. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically. He rushes over an asks, "What's the matter now? Are you going to be ok?" Sally breaks down in tears. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom died too!!"
____________________________________________________________________
A blonde goes up to a soda machine and she puts her money in. then it spits it back out. then she puts it in. she does this about 20 times before the person behind her says can i go. she says shut the hell up im winning.
____________________________________________________________________
5 blondes and a red head
6 women were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a red head.As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonising few moments no one volunteered.Finally the red head gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.The blondes applauded
_________________________________________________________________
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
__________________________________________________________________
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair died so she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
____________________________________________________________________
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
____________________________________________________________________
Why did the blonde burn her ear? The phone rang while she was ironing!
____________________________________________________________________
Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton? It said "concentrate" on it!
____________________________________________________________________
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday? Tell her a joke on a Monday!
____________________________________________________________________
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant!
____________________________________________________________________
What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but never see any!
____________________________________________________________________
Did you hear about the blonde who was a really good cook? She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece!
____________________________________________________________________
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)